32 Things…

September is my favorite month. Why? Because on the 29th day, I was born and well, you’re welcome. Every year I make a list of things I want to accomplish before the next year, sometimes I’m successful and sometimes not so much. Since this year I turned 32, I had to come up with 32 things I wanted to accomplish. This list was MUCH easier to do when I was in my twenties.

1.I want to lose weight. Super cliché, I get it. Truthfully, I didn’t even know how much weight I had gained until someone took a picture of Matt and I. I didn’t recognize that person in the photo. I was shocked. Then I bought a scale and was shocked again. I hate diets, but I need to find something that works for me.

2. Have a successful blog. I have always wanted to blog. For over 10 years I have tried to blog and I always get caught somewhere with the design, my niche, and trying to be something I’m not. I’m over pretending. I know I’m emotionally dead inside, but that’s who I am, and I accept that.

3. Spend less money.

4. Be present. I’m always looking for the next step instead of being happy with where I’m at in this moment. It’s a blessing and a curse.

5. Connect with friends. I’m flaky, chances of me cancelling are high. I don’t want to be that person anymore.

6. Get my skin under control. Even if it means I need to start booking more facials. It’s not bad skin, it’s just meh.

7. Stop picking my skin. This will be my BIGGEST challenge. Nothing thrills me more than popping pimples. I’ll even pop yours. Matt hates it. Sometimes I trade sexual favors just so I can pop that zit on his forehead. Even thinking about it makes me happy.

8. Speak gently to myself. I can be really hard on myself and I don’t give myself the credit I deserve on the things I’ve overcame.

9. Wear jeans more.

10. Stop knowing what is best for other’s journey and let them be.

11. Eat more vegetables.

12. Switch beauty products to natural.

13. Eat more organic.

14. Work on less is more.

15. More sex. Sup, Matt?

16. Read 5 books. I used to read all the time. Now there’s this guilt when I do. Like I could be working on my blog, I could be using this time to be with Matt, excuse a, excuse b, excuse c.

17. Do something new that’s scary. On my 30th birthday my girlfriends took me ziplining. The anxiety from jumping out of swaying trees is still with me. I haven’t done anything like that since.

18. No more cigarettes. This includes socially too. (I might have to quit my job and allow myself to get fat once this happens.)

19. Work on working harder. I’m a hard worker but I can also be very lazy.

20. Allow myself to be vulnerable. Matt probably knows me best. The sweetest thing he has ever said to me is, “your actions don’t match your words. You say a lot of stupid shit, but your actions are always out of love.” I cried. I talk a lot of shit— but I always do what’s right.

21. Show empathy. I don’t lack it. I just don’t show it. There is a difference.

22. Give up dairy. It’s not worth being sick anymore. At least limit what I take in. No more queso is my start.

23. Exercise everyday.

24. Begin to meditate— practice mindfulness.

25. Practice self control. Seriously, I have none.

26. Learn to remove food from emotion. Happy? I eat spaghetti. Stressed? Hershey’s chocolate bar with almonds. Mad? Bread. Anxiety? Chips.

27. Be a patient partner to Matt. Sometimes I wish I could be the partner he is to me back to him. Matt is a saint.

28. Buy a home. Matt and I have been working with a realtor. However, we do not want to settle on a home. We both want the same thing and we are fortunate enough to be able to wait until we find “that home.”

29. Cook more. I mean, we cook a lot. But I’d like to take classes and really perfect that hobby of mine. Hopefully, Covid will be somewhat over so more classes will open up.

30. Take more pictures. The way I look in photos have really stopped me from taking pictures. So Matt and I have two from a couple of years ago, that I always use. But I know when he and I are in our 70’s we will greatly regret it. At least I will.

31. Stop trying to change my mom. My mom had me at 18 and my sister at 25. So now that we are older she is living her life. She grew up in a way I didn’t, and because of her hard work throughout our lives— we grew up privliaged. I never had to go without and had everything I wanted. Now, when she wants to live her life, I can’t stop but question all of her life choices. I need to let that go and let her be. It’s my insecurity that I keep putting on her.

32. Build a stronger relationship with my sister, Montana. I absolutely adore my sister. We don’t have the most ideal sister relationship, but we do support each other. I don’t know the steps I need to take to build that relationship with her, but I want to start the process.